Finding Joy and Strength on a Difficult Day

Honoring Madison and embracing the magic of the everyday

Madison and me at a 5v5 sand soccer tournament

Eleven years ago today, I lost my best friend Madison to suicide. Every year since, this date brings a flood of emotions: sadness, longing, and reflection. But more than anything, it’s a reminder of Madison’s beauty, kindness, and the light she brought into the world.

I think about her often, but snowy days always bring me right back. There was a snowstorm on the day of her funeral, and ever since, I’ve associated snow with her magnetic, one-of-a-kind presence. By the way, snowflakes are swirling outside as I write this morning. This year, I’m honoring Madison by going skiing with my mom. It’s something I know would make Madison smile, and it’s my way of channeling her spirit into the present moment.

Navigating the Pain of Loss

Over the years, I’ve written a lot in my journals about the emotions that come with losing someone you love so suddenly and tragically. The ache never seems to disappear.

But one thing I’ve learned is that it’s okay to not be okay. Grieving is messy, nonlinear, and deeply personal. One year, I walked in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk. Other years, I’ve donated to the Madison Holleran Foundation. And some years, I’ve simply spent the day journaling or quietly reflecting.

No matter how I’ve chosen to process my grief, I know for certain: talking about suicide and mental health is hard, but it’s so important.

Breaking the Silence Around Suicide

When we open up conversations about mental health, we help reduce stigma and create spaces where people feel less alone. This is especially critical for kids and teenagers. Studies show that discussing mental health openly can encourage individuals to seek help and prevent crises before they escalate.

Here are some resources that can help if you or someone you know is struggling:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988 or visit 988lifeline.org

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: afsp.org

Madison Holleran Foundation: madisonholleranfoundation.org

It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. And it’s okay to talk about it.

3 Ways to Find Joy and Connection on Hard Days

If a particular day feels heavy for you, here are three small but meaningful things you can do:

Do Something Your Loved One Would Enjoy

Whether it’s watching their favorite movie, listening to their favorite song, or doing a hobby they loved, honoring their memory can bring comfort and a sense of closeness.

Look for Magic in the Everyday

For me, this means noticing the little things that remind me of Madison—a ladybug landing on my arm, a snowy day, or a song we used to blast. These moments can feel like gentle reminders that their spirit is still with you.

Reach Out to Someone You Trust

Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be incredibly healing. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Moving Forward with Madison’s Inspiration

Madison’s memory has been a driving force behind Power Forward. She inspires me to help others navigate life’s challenges and find resilience within themselves. Every January 17, I commit to doing something that would make her smile—something that celebrates the joy and magic she brought into the world.

To anyone reading this, know that you’re not alone. Whether you’re grieving, struggling, or simply feeling stuck, there’s strength in reaching out and finding ways to move forward, one step at a time. Here’s to finding light in the darkness and joy in the everyday.

If you or someone you know needs support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to the resources mentioned above. Together, we can help reduce the stigma around mental health.