Let Them Just Play: Reducing Pressure in Youth Sports

What parents and coaches can do to build confidence and joy in young athletes

The good old youth soccer days

I was watching a youth soccer practice in New York City the other day and noticed something: after nearly every action—good or bad—a kid would glance at their coach. Not just occasionally. Almost instinctively. Like a reflex.

They weren’t scanning the field or resetting for the next play. They were looking for a reaction. Approval. Reinforcement. A signal that they were doing it “right.”

Now, I know this is a small sample size. I’m just a spectator, not out there coaching or raising a young athlete. But I played elite-level sports in high-pressure environments, and I have thoughts.

The number one reason I loved playing soccer growing up? I didn’t have to think as much as I did in basketball. Fewer plays. Fewer decisions. Just fundamentals, a clear game plan, and the freedom to play with everything I had. That freedom brought out the best in my teammates and me.

Looking back, maybe kids were always glancing at coaches. Maybe I was too. But it didn’t feel this constant. The pressure young athletes put on themselves is showing up earlier and heavier. Social media probably plays a part—turning every moment into something to be judged, liked, or ranked. But it’s also a sign that we need to get more intentional about reducing pressure in youth sports—on the sidelines, at home, and in the messages we send, even when we don’t say a word.

Our brains are in overdrive. Kids aren’t just playing anymore. They’re performing. Even at practice.

So what can we do? Whether we’re coaches, parents, or supporters, we can start here:

1. Let the game breathe. Not every mistake needs feedback. Sometimes the best coaching is silence, giving them space to process and self-correct. Most of the time, we already know when we’ve made a mistake.

2. Reinforce effort, not outcomes. Praise hustle, smart decisions, team play—not just goals or wins.

3. Normalize mistakes. Treat them like part of the process, not a crisis. Let kids feel safe enough to take risks.

4. Model calm. Kids mirror us. If we’re tense, hypercritical, or constantly reacting from the sidelines, they will mirror that behavior too.

5. Shift the focus. Ask them what they thought about how they played. Help them build their own internal compass instead of relying on our approval.

The goal isn’t just to raise good players—it’s to raise athletes who can think, adapt, and most importantly, love the game for themselves.

Let’s help them get back to playing.